Almost 36 weeks

Picture 1: Dresser that I'm decoupaging
Picture 2: The pile of packaging from the crib
Picture 3: Me at 35 weeks!

Well, I'm overdue for an entry in here. It's been almost a month. Things are breezing along. Just being pregnant. The baby is getting bigger (duh) and there is less room for moving around. I feel plenty of movement, but less kicking and more pushing and bulging. Its favorite spot seems to be having its butt up under my right rib cage. I have a tender spot there now and when its pushing against it, I get numb and tingly. It feels gross! I think that maybe it's its feet sometimes 'cause I tried pushing them down and then it kicked me! It was funny. I keep referring to the baby as "it" today. Hmmm. I guess it's just easier to type than he/she. Oh, and I have lovely purple stretch marks on my lower belly now. And they itch! And I'm developing a crazy spare tire. Most of my weight gain seems to be on my upper hips and across my back just above my butt crack! It's horrid! I really hope that I lose that very quickly. Apparently my butt needs to get bigger for childbirth or something. Ugh!

So, I've actually been doing some stuff in preparation for the little one. I'm almost finished decoupaging the dresser and the crib is partway put together. We started it yesterday, but we are missing some screws, so we'll finish today after we go to Ace. I washed all of the baby clothes and bedding and blankets that we've gotten and I'm going to sort them into age categories today. I ordered my homebirth kit (plastic sheets, absorbent pads, etc.) and we're starting to stock up on stuff. We have to paint some shelves soon and figure out where we want them. We have a home visit with the midwives on Friday. It's in the evening and we're cooking dinner for them. Kind of weird, but cool, too. They want to be familiar with our house and where everything is so we don't have to do an orientation while I'm in labor.

I watched a video of a woman giving birth the other day and I've come to the conclusion that I don't like watching other women give birth. Way too intense. And messy! I know that I'll be going through it and it will get messy, I just don't want to see it. It freaks me out.

So, we're taking this birth class called "Birthing From Within" which sounded good to me because it's not a conventional class geared toward hospital births. Anyway, I think I wrote about it last time. So, I was reading the book for the class and came across this passage: Living in the Southwest has influenced our childbirth classes. Picture this: Mothers sitting in a circle on the floor, learning to labor-howl while a tape of howling coyotes fills the room. Later, fathers join in the circle for co-chanting. Some people start out a bit inhibited, but once they warm up, it isn't easy getting them to stop. I just about died. I read it to Erik and I said, "if she does this in our class, we're outta there!" So, the very next class, guess what? Coyote circle! Erik wasn't at that class either, so I didn't have a partner for the co-chanting, which meant that the instructor would have been my partner. I was sort of tricked into it. She had us get in a circle on the floor and she put a tub of ice down in the middle (we use ice to practice our pain coping techniques). Then, she starts the coyote howling soundtrack and it was then that I knew what was about to happen. I panicked. All I could think of was how to get up and leave without making a scene. I knew there is no way I could handle sitting through it. I guess I found an opportune moment, so I grabbed my shoes and ran out the door. I didn't have time to gather all of my stuff, so I couldn't leave. I just wandered the halls of the hospital until I thought that it might be over. I listened at the door a couple of times to see if they were done howling and went back in when I thought it was safe. They weren't done, however. I didn't join the circle and had to sit through one round of watching them do the co-chanting thing. That's where the ladies start to moan and make "birth noises" and the men join in and match the woman's tone. It was awful! I was so embarassed for them. Anyway, at the next pause, I grabbed the rest of my stuff, flashed an apologetic look to the instructor and bailed. I was never so happy to get out of somewhere! I dunno. I know I'll probably make lots of noise during labor, but I'll be in the comfort of my own home and will only have Erik and the midwives around me. That's a huge part of why I want to birth at home - I don't want to be inhibited if there are strangers around. Plus, I totally can't picture Erik moaning with me. It would probably annoy the hell out of me or just be too silly. We subsequently didn't go to the next class. We're just not getting anything out of it. This Thursday is the last class and I'm contemplating whether to go or not. I like the other couples there and it will be cool to see them one last time, but I dunno.

So, that's about it. Just over a month until the baby comes. I don't think it will actually feel real to me until I'm actually going through it. And then I'll have this little baby. It's crazy.

31wks2days

I’m 31wks2days. (Well, I was yesterday when I actually wrote this, but anyway...) Feeling pretty good. The baby is getting bigger. He’s kicking me in the ribs fairly regularly now and I can sometimes feel which body part is which. Just now I felt a foot poking out of my abdomen. It’s funny. I’m getting bigger, too. A few days ago I was feeling so stretched and heavy, I could barely walk. All I wanted to do was lay around and be pregnant. I think my skin finally adjusted for the moment and I’m not feeling quite as stretched. My belly button isn’t totally popped out, but when I stand up, it bulges and is hyper-sensitive. I had to make a belly button protector the other day out of a belly band and a thick sock. It looked silly, but it made it more tolerable to be up and cooking and cleaning. It would freak me out if it bumped against anything. I’m still feeling pretty sensitive, but not as bad as the other day. I feel like I need more room – like my space bubble has gotten bigger. I hate pushing past people in the grocery store or in public. I want them to just see that I’m pregnant and give me a wide berth.

I’ve been having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions lately, too. Not so many that I’m worried about preterm labor, but I’m definitely feeling and noticing them, whereas before, I was probably experiencing them, but not noticing. Also, all of my pregnancy and birth books say that nipple stimulation causes contractions (and can be used as a way to kickstart labor when you’re past your due date). Anyway, yesterday, I decided to test that theory and, it works! After about 30 seconds I totally had a contraction. It was fun. I guess you’re not supposed to do stuff like that if you’re likely to have preterm labor, but as far as I know, I’m not at risk. Like I said, I’ve been feeling fine and don’t have any signs or symptoms of it. A few ladies on my birth forum have been put on bedrest because of it, though. It’s pretty scary to think that my baby could actually be born any time between now and 2 weeks after my due date. Hopefully, this one will bake as long as possible.

I’m more tired and irritable these days. I’m still sleeping well at night, though, which is good. People keep telling me that toward the end I won’t be able to sleep. We’ll see. I’ve always been a good sleeper. They also keep telling me that I won’t be able to poop, but that hasn’t happened yet, either. I’m quite regular, thank you very much.

We went to our first birth class Thursday night. It was ok. It’s pretty hippy dippy. We had to draw pictures and meditate. We did some pain coping exercises, which I liked. We held ice cubes and focused on our breathing and it really helped to deal with the pain. Holding ice cubes is nothing like a contraction, of course, but the technique will come in handy. I’ve done a lot of yoga, so I’ve got the whole breathing thing down. It was really funny watching Erik “meditate”. He’s so ADD, I knew there was no way he could handle it. So, I was closing my eyes and basically meditating, like we do in yoga, but I couldn’t resist peeking at Erik and seeing what he was doing. He was slouched down in his chair, eyes wide open, with a look of utter annoyance, almost disgust on his face. He looked like he was being punished. I almost laughed out loud. Instead, I just kept meditating with a big grin on my face. Poor guy. I guess we’ll start each class with a meditation. He’s going to be sure to go to the bathroom at that part.

So, people keep asking me if I’m “ready”. What is ready? Is anyone ever ready? I mean, I need to get rid of the bird so that I can finish setting up the baby room, but the baby’s going to be sleeping in our bed, so it’s not that critical. I haven’t been overwhelmed with the nesting bug yet. I don’t know if I actually ever will. It’s not really in my nature. I wish I had one of those moms or sisters that wanted to come over and set up the room and paint and all that. I want it done, I just don’t really want to do it. I should wash all of the baby clothes that I’ve gotten and put them in size categories in the dresser, but again, don’t wanna do it. I want to put drawer liners in the drawers and finish decoupaging the outside of the drawers, but I’ve really been procrastinating on it. Ugh! I just need to buckle down and do it. I’m running out of time. I have less than 9 weeks left! Yikes! I actually just want to sit around and knit all day. I’m working on a baby kimono top and it’s with such tiny yarn and needles, that if I don’t make an exerted effort every day, the baby will be here before it’s finished. It’s in a newborn size, so I really need to get on it.

Here are some pix of the tiny hat and socks that I knit. The hat looks ridiculously small, but it's stretchy. I took a picture of it on one of Frances' stuffies. It stretches even more than that, so unless I have a baby with a huge head (pray that I don't) it will fit. It's small on purpose so it fits the first day. The socks probably won't fit 'til the baby's 3 months or so, but I didn't have a pattern for anything smaller. I threw in the picture of my huge white belly that we took at the river a week ago for those of you who may not have seen it. I'm too lazy to take a belly picture of myself.

29 weeks (quick update)

Ugh! The stretchmarks are sneaking up on me. I thought that I might escape them (I don't know why), but no. They are appearing on my belly and thighs. No amount of belly oil is going to fight them off. Oh, well.

Apparently my baby is the size of a butternut squash and weighs about 2.5 lbs. It feels more like a 10lb watermelon in there. There isn't enough room in my abdomen for my stomach, intestines, lungs AND a baby. Last night at bedtime, my dinner kept threatening to come back up and to make matters worse, baby was doing water aerobics or something AND then the cat decided that she needed to make biscuits on my belly. It was all too much. I had to go sit in the recliner in the livingroom until I fell asleep. I have a feeling I'll end up there a lot toward the end of this pregnancy.

Erik was really grumpy at bedtime, too. I had to sit up because my tummy was so upset and he got all mad when I pushed him off of me when he tried to cuddle. I seriously felt like I was going to explode, but instead of being understanding, he just told me that I complain too much. I'd really love to see him be pregnant. Grrr.

3rd trimester and pregnancy dreams

Wow. It's been a while. Mostly because nothing much has been going on. They call the 2nd trimester the "Honeymoon trimester" and it's pretty accurate. Now, though, I'm officially in the 3rd trimester and I'm definitely feeling pregnant. Bending over to pick stuff up or to get stuff out of low cupboards is getting more and more uncomfortable. Getting up off the couch is getting more difficult, physically AND mentally. The fatigue has seemed to set in and I just want to sleep all the time. It's different from the 1st trimester fatigue, though. There seems to be less and less room in my stomach every day. A small meal makes me feel Thanksgiving stuffed. Never mind the heartburn and indigestion. I'm still craving sweets, especially chocolate. I have to have dessert every night or else I feel sad and deprived. Hopefully I passed my glucose test. The results should be in this week, but they won't call me unless I didn't pass. I peed a little when I coughed the other day and the midwives scolded me for not doing my kegels. I hate kegels dammit! But, I'm doing them a little more often now (as compared to never, I guess). Erik just laughed at me. He thinks all of my pregnancy issues are hilarious. I got a little rashy on my upper thighs (probably from heat or sweat or whatever) and I had to have him look at it 'cause I can't see it and he thought that was the funniest thing in the world. So, the belly (the reason I can't see my upper thighs) is just getting huge. I can feel it stretching and I constantly run into things with it. I have to wear an apron when I cook and do dishes 'cause I end up with water all over it or smearing it in something that was on the counter. It's so heavy, too. I am so gonna feel like a whale soon. I've already gotten a couple of comments from women about it. Apparently I look like I'm gonna pop soon. I'm glad I don't go out in public much 'cause I don't think I could handle too many stupid comments from people. I'd probably end up telling some well-intentioned old lady to fuck off. I think the only appropriate response from total strangers is for them to look at your belly and then look at you and smile. They've acknowledged that you're pregnant and that's enough. They don't need to ask how far along I am, whether or not it's my first and when my frickin' due date is. Let alone some other asinine question or comment. No one better be asking me about the condition of my cervix or belly button (it's happened to other women I know). Oh, and never mind sex. That's getting more and more difficult, as well. Poor Erik. It's just so hard to be sexy when you have this giant belly in the way and all kinds of aches and pains and heartburn and gas. I'm obviously not one of those women who are insatiably horny throughout their pregnancy. He's such a good sport, though. He thinks my belly is sexy. I feel so lucky 'cause so many guys get turned off by pregnancy.

Anyway, I had a couple of interesting pregnancy dreams the past few days. The other night I dreamt that I met my baby. He was in a car seat or something and he was quite small. I was like, "oh, there's my baby." He was wearing a diaper and I pulled it down to see if it was a boy or a girl and it was definitely a boy. Then I gave him lots of kisses. For some reason, I knew that he was 3 months early and I was concerned. I don't know why he was born already, but I knew that he wasn't supposed to be. I asked the midwife if I had to put him back (yes, put him back, like cut me open and put him back in my uterus) for three months, but she said no, he'll just have to be in NICU. I was very upset about this because it was going to totally ruin all of my plans for breastfeeding and bonding with my baby. That was then end, I guess.

I think last night's dream was even crazier. So, I was in labor in the birth tub and was getting to the point where things get really intense and you think you can't handle it anymore. Then, I was outside myself watching the labor and even helping. I saw myself freaking out and saying that I couldn't do it, but the birth attendant told me I was almost there. The baby was crowning and then the birth attendent told me to catch the baby. So, I hold the head as they baby comes out and when it's out, I look at it and it's a pretty girl baby. I was wearing a long sleeved black shirt for some reason and cuddled the wet, slimy baby, which had turned into a puppy. It was a black and white cocker spaniel. (I hate cocker spaniels BTW). So, I'm cuddling the puppy/baby, but I wasn't the one who had given birth. Erik and the midwives were getting a blanket ready for the other "me" who had just given birth so she could hold the puppy/baby and I looked at her and said, "look, it's black and white, just like you like" I guess trying to cheer her up because she just had a puppy instead of a baby. Which is weird, 'cause it's my mom who likes black and white animals. I remember wondering what kind of drugs taken during pregnancy or screwed up genetics would cause someone to give birth to a puppy. It was all very disappointing.

So, yeah, 3 more months. Possibly less. Am I ready? Hell no. Do I have a choice? Nope. Too late for that. I have mostly everything I need as far as furniture and clothing thanks to all of my wonderful friends and relatives. I suppose I need to stock up on diapers at some point. I had also better get cracking on the knitting if I want hats and booties. I still haven't finished the blanket I started forever ago. Well, that's all for now, I guess.

25wks6days

I was standing in front of the mirror naked just now and noticed how incredibly veiny I am. I guess because I have increased bloodflow in my body, all of my veins are really visible. I can see them down my sides and on the sides of my belly. You can even see them on my chest under my old lady skin. I think I might be getting stretch marks on my belly, but only very faintly. I can't see underneath my belly anymore. I'm just about 26 weeks. I told Erik the other day that I only had 15 weeks left of pregnancy and he asked if I could keep it in longer. Apparently he's a little nervous about having a new little one! Me, I'm pretty excited. Actually, I guess I go back and forth. One minute I can't wait to have the baby and see what it looks like and do all the mommy things and the next minute I'm freaking out because I'm gonna have a baby. I was suuuuper grumpy the other day and Frances was banging around and stomping down the hall and I just about bit her head off! I just thought about what I'll do if she's making all that noise when I have a newborn that I just got to sleep.

I have a midwife appointment tomorrow. I'm supposed to bring a 3 day food log and I really don't want to admit to anyone, let alone hippy dippy midwives, what I've been eating. I am totally craving sweets. I met Erik for lunch and on my way home I stopped at the donut shop and bought two donuts and scarfed them down before I even got home. I think I might not put those on the log. I eat lots of cheese and meat, too and I know they frown on that. They think that I should be getting more protein from beans and nuts, but I'm a carnivore. Plus, I read that cholesterol doesn't matter when you're pregnant because the baby needs lots of it to develop properly. I should be eating more veggies, but I have come to the realization that I'm really not that in to vegetables. Salads bore me, so I have to put tons of dressing on them. I like broccoli, but you can only eat that so many times a week. I don't like greens at all. I've tried to like them, really I have. Oh, and there's this pregnancy tea that they want me to drink every day. So, I dutifully went to the herb store and bought all of the herbs for it and mixed them all together in a big jar. I poured a portion into a quart jar and let it steep for 4 hours, like they recommended and took a sip and decided that I pretty much hate it. I'm supposed to drink a quart of it a day! I don't drink tea. I drink water all day. Apparently that's not good enough. They especially want me to drink it because I still have to have my cup of coffee in the morning and supposedly it will help offset some of the negative effects of caffeine or something like that. Hmmmph is all I have to say about that. So, I don't have any good news to tell the midwives. They're going to be disappointed that I've been eating too much meat and cheese and sweets and not drinking my pregnancy tea. Pth. Well, I have to go try to register for a childbirth class now. 'Til next time!

WTF?

The things I learn on my pregnancy forum. I have just learned what "placenta encapsulation" is. After you have your baby, a certified specialist comes to your house and "prepares" your placenta. They dry it, grind it into powder and put it into capsules that you can swallow. Supposedly, it gives you doses of important hormones. I dunno, the whole thing sounds really gross to me. I got a little queasy reading about it. Here's where I read about it: http://placentabenefits.info/about.asp

I guess I'll bury mine under a tree or something. I'm not going to fry it up with some onions and share it with the family or anything! I'm not going to stick it in the freezer, either. One woman on the forum still has hers in there from a few years ago. That just sounds gross.

Quick update

Just a quick update today. Last night the baby was kicking so hard that I finally saw it - my belly totally jumped. Actually, it looked more like a muscle spasm. It felt so weird. Almost like being punched in the gut. I can't believe I have to endure 3 1/2 more months of this and the baby's only gonna get stronger. Erik put his hands on my belly and the baby kicked away. It's crazy. My favorite thing to do now when I'm just chillin' is to pull my shirt up and stare at my belly. It's so fascinating. Also, I've noticed that I seem to have less lung capacity. It almost hurts when I yawn, especially after a meal. I guess the baby is squishing my stomach and intestines up into my lungs. And talk about heartburn! Small meals, bland foods, nothing helps. Just Tums. Tums are my friend.

So, I think I've decided to rent a birth pool. They have really nice ones that are heated and everything - pretty much like having a hot tub, but w/o the jets. It costs $300, but it's for 3 weeks, so you can use it like a hot tub before the birth. It will really help with relaxation and stuff. I was thinking of just buying one. They have really cool inflatable ones online for only around $160, but they don't have a heating unit, so someone would have to fuss with hot water and stuff while I'm trying to give birth. Sounds like a PITA. If I bought one, I could probably turn around and sell it and get most of my money back, but I really like the idea of having a really nice tub that will be delivered and picked up and comes with all the equipment.

You all must think I'm crazy. Homebirth? Birth tubs? It's all very common up here. In my pre-natal yoga class, it's just assumed that the birth will be at home, or at least a completely natural birth if it's at a hospital.

Well, that's all for now.

5/12/10

May 12, 2010

Well, I’m just about 24 weeks. Or is it 23? Hard to keep track sometimes. Anyway, I feel the baby moving like crazy all of a sudden. It’s so neat. He (or she) was kicking really low last night and I sort of felt it on the outside, so I told Erik to come feel and the baby totally kicked his hand! We both felt it – so amazing. So, weird, too. To feel something constantly flip-flopping inside of me. I had an appointment yesterday and we went over the ultrasound results – all totally normal. Baby is measuring right where it should be, heart rate is great. Yay. My blood pressure is perfect, I’m not anemic, no weird stuff in my urine. I have to get a glucose test next time and a rhogam shot ‘cause I’m Rh negative. I guess I don’t HAVE to get a glucose test, but they’re highly recommended. It just bugs me ‘cause I know everything is fine, but I have to drink all that frickin’ glucose and screw my blood sugar up. Lame. So, yeah, pregnancy is great. It’s getting baby out that freaks me out. I mean, it doesn’t freak me out in a bad way. It’s just such a huge deal and at this point, there’s no way out of it. There are just so many unknowns. I’ve read so much about it and I’m planning on taking childbirth classes with Erik and I’ve talked to other women about their experiences, but none of that will really prepare me. I guess I’ll be mentally prepared and I’m trying to do yoga and walk and stuff so I’ll be physically prepared, but I’m just worried about how I’m gonna handle it when that first big contraction hits. Erik thinks I’ll cuss a lot. I probably will. I’ll have to warn the midwives. And the neighbors. The dog will probably panic. We might need to send him to a friend’s. I had a leg cramp this morning that lasted a really long time – I kept grunting and moaning and the dog came over to my side of the bed and stared at me with a worried look on his face. Poor sensitive guy.

May 4, 2010

So, I attempted to post something to my online journal on Friday and it deleted the whole thing. I hate when that happens. I’ll try to somewhat recreate it. There’s actually not too much going on with me right now. I’m feeling good, my energy level is pretty good. My belly is definitely getting bigger and so are my boobs. Here’s some TMI. (No, seriously, TMI – boys might not be able to handle this one.) I had my nipples pierced in 2006 and I took the piercings out when I found out I was pregnant in January, so almost 4 years. They’re pretty much all healed up – you can barely tell where the holes were. Anyway, I’m getting colostrum (the pre-milk stuff) in and when I squeeze my nipples (don’t laugh – you totally would, too!), it comes out where the piercing hole is. I showed Erik and he was kinda grossed out. I think it’s hilarious! I’m not worried about it. I’ve read that some women can even leave their piercings in and have no problem breast feeding, but I think that’s going a little too far.

So, that’s about the most exciting thing going on so far. I bought my first baby item at a yardsale last weekend – a dresser/changing table combo. It’s all white, so I think I’ll get all Martha Stewart on it and decoupage some animals onto it or something. We’re not having an actual baby room, so it will just be in our bedroom, but it will still be cute. I went to a baby shower on Saturday and the couple was having a boy and they got so much cute boy stuff. It makes me almost wish that I knew what we were having so that we could get cute boy stuff (if it’s a boy, of course). But, I’m enjoying not knowing. We still don’t really have any ideas for names.

Baby has been moving more noticeably lately, but still not keeping me up at night or anything. Still just little taps and sometimes what feels like rolling around. Some of it I still can’t tell whether it’s gas or not. I think it will all start seeming more real once I feel and can even see movement.

I meet with the homebirth midwives on Thursday. I hope the homebirth works out. I really don’t want to have the baby at the hospital, even though we have a great birth center at our hospital up here. I really just don’t like the idea of strangers attending my birth. That’s always been one of my biggest issues with hospital births. I won’t even go into all my other issues. But, if I end up there, so be it. As long as the baby is healthy, right?